This Made Me Feel So Much Shame

This month, I want to do something special for you.

What I've observed — that goes deep — is a universal yearning for the Divine Feminine energy.

There is such a lack of it… to feel it, long for it, embody it, live it…

So this month we’ll be oozing Divine Feminine energy all month, focusing on different ways of delivering value to you, and teaching you how to live from this mesmerizing energy. 

The magic of the sabrosura. ✨✨

And since today is Global Forgiveness Day 💗, I want to share with you a deep lesson I learned in my latest personal plant medicine retreat in Peru. 

I’ll share it just the way I wrote it on my way back:

The truth is hard to meet.

I don’t even know how to begin to share this story.

I am on my way back from Peru after plant medicine journeys and plant dieta with the plant master guide - Ayahuma.

Ayahuma helps you see the truth. It puts a realness mirror in front of your eyes.

I wanted to open abundance in my life, and for that, I had to meet my ugly truth.

Every shortcoming in the last 15 years where I didn’t show up professional, acted out of integrity, and needed to profoundly apologise. 

Seeing these actions I took makes me feel so much shame for how I showed up. It's not easy to move through a shame storm. 

And I don’t mean that I have been this way in every interaction throughout, but in key junctions that burned important bridges.

I sat down and I humbly wrote 25 apology letters, cleaning up my messes, which I intend to send to each person who deserves my heartfelt apology. (In the meantime, all of them have been sent, and that was hard to do!)

What I have learned is that abundance can't come when we are in lack of integrity and inner alignment. And I want to show up great everywhere in my life, not just OK. 

I have learned that at the core of this is being grateful for the opportunities given to me, and not taking them for granted. And making those who gave them to me feel appreciated and seen. 

I have made some key mistakes that were inevitable at some points. But I have not always owned up to them when I flopped. I rolled out the responsibility to someone else.

I hope that my sincere and deep apologies will enter the hearts of the receiving end. All I can do is own my mess, make amends, and leave it to the heart of the other person to see how they feel about it. Process my pain, shame, and sadness, and grow from it. Be a better human moving forward. 

It hurts to see how many mistakes I have made over the years and how self-absorbed I was to even notice all of this, and my part in it. I truly didn’t see it, as if I were blind.

I am grateful to Ayahuma for guiding me to the brutal truth, to the maestra and her family for their love, commitment, and wisdom that allow me to see it, while being surrounded by so much love. None of this is possible without you. I love you all.

I have opened my heart to accept my painful, shameful truth with love. I will do better moving forward.

So I want to invite you to reflect on this truth: Forgiveness softens our hearts. 

After sending all of these out, I feel lighter and more in alignment with myself, love, and abundance. Many did not reply and did not forgive me. Yet, that’s their journey. Mine is to align with the frequency of abundance and love, and to live from high inner-integrity and inner-alignment. 

So if you wish to do the same in your life, here are two great options:

• Join the Feminine Awakening Membership - A 12-month journey of becoming the woman who leads with softness, strength, and deep inner knowing with me, my team, and a community of incredible high achievers. This week, we have in the community an ‘Ask Chen’ live so I can guide you personally, and next week we have the ‘Somatic Wisdom’ session where I’ll be teaching you embodiment practices of the Sabrosura - The Divine Feminine energy. 

• Join the next Ayahuasca & Somatic Healing Retreat - a profound 7-Day immersion into the rejuvenating power of the plants and the ancestral healing skills of the maestra, for an unforgettable, powerful journey of transformation and healing. The package includes somatic healing and integration sessions with me before, during, and after the retreat. This is an exclusive 10-person journey. 

  
  

I hope this message inspired your heart. And we continue next week with more of the Divine Feminine energy and how to bring it into your life. 

With love, 

Chen