I am about to enter the workforce and wonder in how far you would use seduction in business environments.
- How much is ok and when does it go too far?
- What should a woman say when getting asked out (if you don't want to date although you're single)?
- Is being flirtatious ok in meetings, job interviews etc.?
- And lastly, in how far can a woman be seductive with her clothes in such settings?
I'd appreciate your advice a lot! As a young inexperienced girl I feel totally lost when it comes to that topic. And there is no-one I know who is comfortable nor competent to answer these questions.
All the best, Liesa

Hi Liesa,

A-Fest 2018 Bali - Day 2 -DSC_0057 - Photo by Karen Harms.jpg

Thank you for these very important questions. I am so glad you brought them up and gave us permission to share them with everyone. I really think that it’s very confusing these days understanding the boundaries in today’s business world.

Years ago, men and women knew their roles. Now, with the MeToo, sexual harassment, men and women chasing careers and equality, and the world being so multicultural due to immigration, it can get very confusing. There is so much grey area.

Having said that, I’d like to bring up a couple of points that might help you.

First, intention. What is the purpose of the interaction and why are you doing what you are doing?

When you go into a business meeting, your intention should be business. When you go into a date, your intention should be romantic and can include seduction and flirting.

If I am meeting with my boss or sitting at meetings, the purpose of this is business – I can be friendly, charming, allow a human connection, but boundaries have to be clear. If I walk into a business meeting with the intention of sexually seducing, I am asking for trouble, because I am opening the door to mixing the two. If the person has power over me, this can get even more complicated, not to mention if I hurt the person’s ego. It can backfire.

If you want to be taken seriously at work, don’t seduce to get attention.

Make sure you are not trying to manipulate the situation by using your sexual powers. It sends the wrong message. Stay elegant and classy in your behavior.

One of the most common mistakes is thinking that seduction is always sexual. Have you ever met a person who was truly magnetic because of their personality? Their personality is “seductive” but in a non-sexual way. Sexual seduction is – I am making you desire and want me. Being charming – I am attracting you to enjoy interacting with me, but with a clear boundary and nonsexual intent. In other words – being sexually flirtatious in a business context can get you into trouble.

Charming in a nonsexual way is a form of connecting that can motivate others and give you more influence power.

Remember the intention! - the intent is to genuinely connect, and not to manipulate.

Having said all of this, it’s OK to fall in love with someone at work – a colleague, for example. If you like a guy, you can flirt with him and make your interest be known, but also respect if he is not into it, accepting the ‘no.’ It’s normal to get attracted to someone when working closely. You get to know each other better, and we normally fall in love with what is inside a person’s heart. There are many great stories of people who fell in love with each other at work.

An important thing to think about – if things won’t work, you might need to see the person every day for a very long time. So, if there is a spark, take it slow and get to know the person well. If you decide that this is something you’d like to pursue, take it out of work and stay professional at work. Be sure not to bring personal conflict to work, in the sense of drama. We call this ‘function’ – I am putting aside my own personal feelings and issues in order to function in the meeting, for example. I can come back to these feelings and issues afterward.

Know your boundaries and don’t be afraid to stay true to them!

That’s my advice to you when someone asks you out and you are not interested. Don’t get caught up with pleasing others, but also don’t hurt the other person’s ego. They might try to hurt you back. If someone asks you out and you are not interested, you can just say: ”Thank you for the nice compliment but I am not interested. Thank you for understanding.” By saying “Thank you for the nice compliment.” you make the person feel good and not rejected. By saying “I am not interested.” you are making it clear and known. You don’t have to give a reason. It’s just how you feel and it’s enough. And by saying: ”Thank you for understanding.” you make it very hard for the person to come back. It seals it. If the person in any way pushes you further, you can say in a soft, assertive and elegant way: “Excuse me, I really have to go now.” and walk away.

Remember, part of seduction is the person’s ability to keep at it while the other person might still say ‘no.’ Some women play hard to get on purpose because they want to be chased. But it’s supposed to be charming, fun, and to wake up a desire in you to want to get closer, and not be pushy, aggressive or even scary.

Holding your boundaries and living your truth, not pleasing others or constantly apologizing, and yet not becoming aggressive, is your full feminine power embodied through the 5 elements of Somatic Intelligence – aligned to your core. We teach you how to embody this wisdom in the Power of the Sabrosura retreat.

And finally, clothing - If I were you I wouldn’t even think of coming to work to seduce through clothing. It implies that you want the sexual attention and can give the wrong impression. Having said that, if my personality is sexy, I can express it. How? By finding a good balance between looking professional and expressing my sexiness, my self-expression. For example, check out JLo’s style when she is dressed for business – she is sexy and classy, but there is an edge to it that speaks her Latina personality, but without inviting what she doesn’t want into her life. There is a clear boundary.